Pre-nuptial Agreement

While having a conversation with good friends the other day about their upcoming marriage, we fell upon the topic of pre-nuptial agreements.  Both my friend and his fiancee mentioned that they needed to get in contact with a lawyer who could assist them in setting one up.

Quite aside from their reasons for wanting to do so (which shocked me very much), I was disturbed by the very concept of a pre-nuptial agreement.  It seems to assume from the get-go that the arrangement (one can hardly call it a marriage) will come to an end before either individual does.  In other words, it will not last, and both parties are trying to protect themselves from damage if (or more accurately, when) the relationship dies.

Contrast this with the Christian idea of marriage.  Note that I am not speaking of a marriage between two Christians, but of marriage as what the Church understands it to be.  This relationship is indissoluble, therefore, assuming it will or could end is absurd from the outset.  There are not two pieces that could be put back into their original condition again, but one single piece that if separated would mean the annihilation of not only the new single piece, but destruction of any form of the originals also.  If it helps, think of marriage like a nuclear fusion.  Each is individual before the fusion, but after the process, one cannot speak of there being two molecules joined, but only a single one.  To destroy that single one in an attempt to recover the originals will leave you with a soup of sub-atomic particles that may reform into atoms again, but not the original atoms you began with.

Secondly, in a Christian marriage, you give all of yourself.  To not do so is to not really have a Christian marriage at all.  You must open yourself completely to your spouse.  This, by its very nature, is a dangerous thing to do.  Any time that you reveal something of yourself to another, you risk being betrayed by them: being hurt, being cheated, lied to, etc.  This means that in a Christian marriage, you are making yourself completely vulnerable.  You have entrusted everything you have to another, knowing that this could end badly.  However, you are also entrusted with all of your spouse, and their hope that you will not betray them either.  Without this intention of total trust, and the attempt to have it go both ways, a marriage cannot be made.  If you intend to keep something back, a possession or habit that you would hoard for only yourself, then you are stating that you would rather remain an individual with a loose attachment to another individual.  You do not intend to be married.

It may help to remember that marriage is supposed to be analogous to our relationship with God.  He has already stated his intention to give us everything, to give us even Himself.  Our Christian life is an attempt to do the same in return, to give our very self back to God, completely and without reservation.  There is nothing that we can hold back, nothing that we can state is ours and that God has no business poking in.

As always, I may be missing something.  Any other thoughts on the subject?

I'm gonna go to the place that's the best

I read a book over the weekend by C.S. Lewis titled "The Great Divorce." It is written in the style of a novella and is thoughts on Heaven and Hell. The story is masterfully done (Lewis always is, in my experience), with the reader able to clearly pick out key arguments about the existence of a Heaven or Hell, as well as why people end up in one or the other.

One thing stuck out for me as I read the story, and has stayed in my mind since. In the story, there are many characters, each of which has their own hangup about something with the afterlife. Some are upset that a certain individual made it into Heaven. Others are frightened. Others attempt to seduce those in Heaven. Some are unwilling to forgive past transgressions. What struck me was, though each character had their own reason for being wary of Heaven, all were tied by a single thread: inability to put God (or anyone) before themselves.

After I finished the book, I pondered on it for a long time. The idea that people condemn themselves to Hell because they are incapable of accepting that something is more important than them is a very powerful one. Take a look at the so-called "seven deadly sins":
Lust - "I want that person for my own gratification";
Gluttony - "I don't have to control myself. I can consume whatever I want";
Greed - "I want more";
Sloth - "I don't have to work, others will do it";
Wrath - "How dare you! I am right!";
Envy - "I want what you have";
Pride - "I am more important"

If we go into Christian doctrine, time and time again, we see that we must abandon the self in order to recognize that God must come first. When Jesus is asked what is the greatest commandment, his response is the core of the faith: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments" (Matthew 22:37-40 NIV). Browse through the Ten Commandments, and you will find the same sentiments. Go to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, the "Love Chapter" in the Bible and you'll see it there too. We are told to love our enemies and to forgive those who sin against us, because in doing so, we are letting go of our pride and anger and whatever else. Forgiveness, therefore, is a willingness to put aside our selfishness to gain something greater.

While the story points out in the beginning and again at the end that one should not take its view of Heaven and Hell literally, I believe that the points it makes are still valid for determining how one would attain Heaven. Essentially, our lives here are to gain experiences and build ourselves. Once we die, we do not gather more experiences, so we must rely on what we know. If all we know of in our lives is selfishness, then we cannot enter Heaven, because we don't know how to love God above ourselves. However, if in this life we can learn how to remove ourselves from the position of ultimate authority, and instead trust God, we are already preparing ourselves for eternal life.

Note that, if this observation is true, Christians are not given a free pass. We, too, must continually be reminded that we are not to live selfish lives. Becoming Christian is not enough, you must live it. Proclaiming that Jesus is Lord is not enough, you must follow Him.